Breathing comes in pairs / except for twice / one begins and one’s goodbye – The Fray

Now I would like to rage against the world for a moment:

Until almost two years ago, I'd never really experienced death. I'd never had anyone close to me die. My Oma died just before I started high school, but that doesn't really count, because she had Altzheimer's, and wasn't really living anymore, anyway. Almost two years ago, Geoffrey died from cancer at fifteen. That was devastating, and I almost didn't get over it. I almost didn't make it through the first year, because of various crap. Geoffrey's death was the trigger, the tipping point, I guess.

In the last year, five of my classmates have died or been killed. I didn't know any of them, I don't think I'd ever talked to any of them, and I didn't even know most of their names. But it's still not fair!

My class has always been very different than any other class, even in elementary school. For the most part, we are intelligent people. Sure, there are stupid people, people who make poor decisions. But we are all people who can make a difference in the world - people who can succeed if we want to. We've mostly managed to rise above stupid drama, I think (or, I might just be really good at ignoring it). But five people in one year? And one of my good friends the year before that? How does death all of a sudden become part of life? I don't understand.

This is why I shaved my head - so that other people wouldn't have to go through the same thing that I did with Geoffrey. The most recent death, a girl named Taylor, was best friends with the girl whose locker was next to mine for our four years at high school, so I sort of knew who she was. Knowing that Sara now has to live on without her best friend breaks my heart, even if I don't know or like either of them. It's times like this that I feel like I'm not doing anything. Like shaving my head was a useless excerise. I know that a motorcycle accident is much different than cancer, but...I still feel that way.

And then I remember that the man in my church who flew out to Calgary to have surgery for cancer that had spread all over his body is home, and doing well, and I think that maybe I've helped after all. Maybe the seven thousand dollars that we raised last summer are helping Andy to keep his dad. Maybe.

DFTBA
jr