Breathing comes in pairs / except for twice / one begins and one’s goodbye – The Fray

Now I would like to rage against the world for a moment:

Until almost two years ago, I'd never really experienced death. I'd never had anyone close to me die. My Oma died just before I started high school, but that doesn't really count, because she had Altzheimer's, and wasn't really living anymore, anyway. Almost two years ago, Geoffrey died from cancer at fifteen. That was devastating, and I almost didn't get over it. I almost didn't make it through the first year, because of various crap. Geoffrey's death was the trigger, the tipping point, I guess.

In the last year, five of my classmates have died or been killed. I didn't know any of them, I don't think I'd ever talked to any of them, and I didn't even know most of their names. But it's still not fair!

My class has always been very different than any other class, even in elementary school. For the most part, we are intelligent people. Sure, there are stupid people, people who make poor decisions. But we are all people who can make a difference in the world - people who can succeed if we want to. We've mostly managed to rise above stupid drama, I think (or, I might just be really good at ignoring it). But five people in one year? And one of my good friends the year before that? How does death all of a sudden become part of life? I don't understand.

This is why I shaved my head - so that other people wouldn't have to go through the same thing that I did with Geoffrey. The most recent death, a girl named Taylor, was best friends with the girl whose locker was next to mine for our four years at high school, so I sort of knew who she was. Knowing that Sara now has to live on without her best friend breaks my heart, even if I don't know or like either of them. It's times like this that I feel like I'm not doing anything. Like shaving my head was a useless excerise. I know that a motorcycle accident is much different than cancer, but...I still feel that way.

And then I remember that the man in my church who flew out to Calgary to have surgery for cancer that had spread all over his body is home, and doing well, and I think that maybe I've helped after all. Maybe the seven thousand dollars that we raised last summer are helping Andy to keep his dad. Maybe.

DFTBA
jr

Damn Facebook, too bloody addicting! - Hank Green and Michael Aranda, DFTBA

Alright, so this was going to be a fun and upbeat post about all the places I want to go and things I want to do when Allison and I go on our road trip.

And then I watched a video on YouTube (which shouldn't have even happened, because I should be writing a cover letter). It was a mothers day song, and the guy's mother had cancer. He says, "This may be her last mothers day."

And then, the stupid commentors who have no idea what it feels like, say, and I quote: "I lost my grandpa in '05 because of cancer." And "It'd... it'd be better if you didn't cuss..." and, best of all, "OMG this song was good and u are very hott".

Okay, to Commentor #1: Losing your mother is a whole world different from losing your mother. Losing a grandparent sucks, I know. But they're old, and going to die soon, anyway. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. I can't imagine losing my mother. When Geoffrey died, that was enough. But watching my Mommy dying slowly because of cancer, that would be enough to put me over the edge. A better response would have been, perhaps, "I lost my grandpa in '05 to cancer, and I can almost imagine how hard it would be to watch your mother go through that."

Commentor #2: The point of that line ("That fukkin' disease") was not to be family friendly. Cancer in not family friendly. There is nothing safe about cancer. "That fukkin' disease" is the best way I've heard it described yet. Not everything is safe, my dear. Sometimes, cussing is appropriate.

And Commentor #3: I am simply speechless. This is the epitome of why I have lost faith in the human race. Someone bares his soul to you via his music, and all you can think of is a very badly spelled "u are very hott"? I'm sorry. That just makes me sad and a little bit angry.

And this leads me to wonder: Do people think at all anymore? Seriously. I guess I've been thinking about this for a while, but just today it really hit me. Our very personal lives have become very public. For example, I can log into Facebook and see instantly what everyone from my cousin Rhiana at Queen's to Michelle Campbell at CCSS, from Sarah at DCHS to Tim at Lakehead is doing. I don't know about you, but that seems to be almost invasive. Some things were meant to be private. Comments on YouTube work much the same way. People don't think before they comment on videos, as we can see from the above little rant. Sometimes, what you have to say is very important. Sometimes, you have a deep and profound thought, and you really want to share. That's fine. But something like "u are very hott" is something best said to your best friend and then forgotten. This is why I worry about this generation: because no one values thinking anymore, no one values privacy.

(I guess this is a little redundant that I'm posting this on my blog, rather than writing it in my journal, eh?)

Jennie.Rae

Postscript: I was going to link to the video, but I just can't figure out how to copy and paste right now. Call me computer-illiterate if you will, but it actually won't go. :(