Alright, time for the annual "what's New Year's mean?" thought process.
A new year is a fresh start. A new year means that I can forget all the poopy things that happened in the last year. It means that I can move on with my life, and learn and do new things.
New Year's is time to reflect on the last year. From the times when I hated my life to the times when life was a joyride, I can reflect on it and figure out what the heck it all means.
It's also scary. This year holds so many new things for me. Moving, for the first time in my memory. Moving, not only to Ottawa, but out on my own, for the first time. Going to university. I'll only be seventeen when I move out, and that's young, man! I'll be leaving most of my friends, and that's scary. But so so exciting. I can't wait to get out of here, I can't wait to be on my own. I'm excited and jittery and scared, and just want high school to be over.
I guess that's what New Year's means. But I'm not entirely sure.
DFTBA
JR
30 December 2009
15 December 2009
Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, every day, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would be-
... silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. - Christopher Morley
Alright. Venting time.
He's wrong. Happiness is dependant upon sadness to give it meaning. You can't understand an emotion if you've never felt anything else. If happiness is an emotion, and sadness is it's antithesis, then sadness is an essential part of our lives.
Also, hatred is essential to understanding love. Hatred is nothing but the absence of love. If God feels sadness and happiness and hatred and love, then they must all be part of humanity and human life. We need them all to be truly human.
Time to change topics:
If there's one person I'd like to be, it's Alaska Young. To be able to leave behind such a legacy is the most anyone can ask for. To be able to make people ask questions - that's a dream come true. If I can make someone question the things they've always believed, then my life will not have been a waste. Questioning is good, and people don't do it nearly enough.
Think, people, think! It's good for you! Use your brain!
JR
Alright. Venting time.
He's wrong. Happiness is dependant upon sadness to give it meaning. You can't understand an emotion if you've never felt anything else. If happiness is an emotion, and sadness is it's antithesis, then sadness is an essential part of our lives.
Also, hatred is essential to understanding love. Hatred is nothing but the absence of love. If God feels sadness and happiness and hatred and love, then they must all be part of humanity and human life. We need them all to be truly human.
Time to change topics:
If there's one person I'd like to be, it's Alaska Young. To be able to leave behind such a legacy is the most anyone can ask for. To be able to make people ask questions - that's a dream come true. If I can make someone question the things they've always believed, then my life will not have been a waste. Questioning is good, and people don't do it nearly enough.
Think, people, think! It's good for you! Use your brain!
JR
06 December 2009
We've got planets and galaxies and moons, and an aweful lot of running to do! - Chameleon Circuit
Vlog update:
A name has been chosen: ONC. ONC stands for Ontario Nerd Conglomeration, but I'm thinking maybe Channel would be more appropriate. I'm working on some formatting ideas, including possibly sharing the vlog with Tim. I told him we should, but he wasn't too excited about it. And then he heard the name and was excited and jumped up on the wagon.
Projected launch date is Tuesday 29 December. Updates on Tuesdays and Fridays from me, and Tim will probably take one or two days a week as well, and it will be made of win. The lovely Cherd is working on theme music, and I'm super-duper excited about it.
In other news, I've become completely obsessed with YouTube, and it is irreversable, I believe.
Also, I'm out of books to read, so if y'all have suggestions, I'll try to read them. I've decided that my New Year's resolution for next year will be to read a novel a week, for a total of 52 novels next year. They don't have to be long, but I need to start a list so that I don't end up getting way behind. So, please help!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
A name has been chosen: ONC. ONC stands for Ontario Nerd Conglomeration, but I'm thinking maybe Channel would be more appropriate. I'm working on some formatting ideas, including possibly sharing the vlog with Tim. I told him we should, but he wasn't too excited about it. And then he heard the name and was excited and jumped up on the wagon.
Projected launch date is Tuesday 29 December. Updates on Tuesdays and Fridays from me, and Tim will probably take one or two days a week as well, and it will be made of win. The lovely Cherd is working on theme music, and I'm super-duper excited about it.
In other news, I've become completely obsessed with YouTube, and it is irreversable, I believe.
Also, I'm out of books to read, so if y'all have suggestions, I'll try to read them. I've decided that my New Year's resolution for next year will be to read a novel a week, for a total of 52 novels next year. They don't have to be long, but I need to start a list so that I don't end up getting way behind. So, please help!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
04 December 2009
"Spotty, unfit, neurotic, unfunny, forgetful, weedy" - Charlie McDonell (SP?)
So, big-ish news.
Coming sometime shortly after Christmas, I shall be posting on YouTube instead of here. Actually, I might keep this up, I'm not sure, but I plan on starting up a vlog on YouTube. I've a slight obsession, and I thought that it would be a good idea to jump into the community by which I'm so fascinated.
I'm still trying to come up with a name for it, so if you've got any ideas, that'd be great. I'm thinking something either anagramatical, or an alliteration. Some kind of wordplay would be great. Unfortunately, the best I can come up with is Knocturnal Knovelist, and I don't like to call myself a novelist at the best of times, so I'm not totally sold, yet.
It has to come after Christmas, because then I will be in possession of my very own, brand new laptop, and then I'll actually have the apparati that I will need to make a video for a vlog. I'm sort of really excited for this, I hope it works.
Coming sometime shortly after Christmas, I shall be posting on YouTube instead of here. Actually, I might keep this up, I'm not sure, but I plan on starting up a vlog on YouTube. I've a slight obsession, and I thought that it would be a good idea to jump into the community by which I'm so fascinated.
I'm still trying to come up with a name for it, so if you've got any ideas, that'd be great. I'm thinking something either anagramatical, or an alliteration. Some kind of wordplay would be great. Unfortunately, the best I can come up with is Knocturnal Knovelist, and I don't like to call myself a novelist at the best of times, so I'm not totally sold, yet.
It has to come after Christmas, because then I will be in possession of my very own, brand new laptop, and then I'll actually have the apparati that I will need to make a video for a vlog. I'm sort of really excited for this, I hope it works.
25 November 2009
Anagramatically
Just wanted to share with anyone who cares:
Jennie Rae Urban anagrams to Ninja ear be rune. I'm still trying to find something better for the "ear be" part. :D
J
Jennie Rae Urban anagrams to Ninja ear be rune. I'm still trying to find something better for the "ear be" part. :D
J
12 November 2009
I'm usually a very peaceful guy but I'm gonna kill you - I'm Gonna Kill You by Hank Green
So, just thought I'd let y'all in on Secret Project #1. (Actually, it's not secret. I'm trying to enlist as much help as I can, so...)
I've started a new blog (hilaryoudyk.blogspot.com). This is for my Philosophy ISU, and I'd like as much help as I can get. Basically, the premise is that I want to figure out what the hell happened to privacy and why the hell do we have this innate desire to post our every stupid thought online for everyone to see.
So, head over to hilaryoudyk.blogspot.com and leave a comment, please. I'll probably address it in my next post, and you'll even get to feel good for helping me with my super-huge philosophy ISU which I'll probably be working on every night. :D
I've started a new blog (hilaryoudyk.blogspot.com). This is for my Philosophy ISU, and I'd like as much help as I can get. Basically, the premise is that I want to figure out what the hell happened to privacy and why the hell do we have this innate desire to post our every stupid thought online for everyone to see.
So, head over to hilaryoudyk.blogspot.com and leave a comment, please. I'll probably address it in my next post, and you'll even get to feel good for helping me with my super-huge philosophy ISU which I'll probably be working on every night. :D
03 November 2009
Damn Facebook, too bloody addicting! - Hank Green and Michael Aranda, DFTBA
Alright, so this was going to be a fun and upbeat post about all the places I want to go and things I want to do when Allison and I go on our road trip.
And then I watched a video on YouTube (which shouldn't have even happened, because I should be writing a cover letter). It was a mothers day song, and the guy's mother had cancer. He says, "This may be her last mothers day."
And then, the stupid commentors who have no idea what it feels like, say, and I quote: "I lost my grandpa in '05 because of cancer." And "It'd... it'd be better if you didn't cuss..." and, best of all, "OMG this song was good and u are very hott".
Okay, to Commentor #1: Losing your mother is a whole world different from losing your mother. Losing a grandparent sucks, I know. But they're old, and going to die soon, anyway. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. I can't imagine losing my mother. When Geoffrey died, that was enough. But watching my Mommy dying slowly because of cancer, that would be enough to put me over the edge. A better response would have been, perhaps, "I lost my grandpa in '05 to cancer, and I can almost imagine how hard it would be to watch your mother go through that."
Commentor #2: The point of that line ("That fukkin' disease") was not to be family friendly. Cancer in not family friendly. There is nothing safe about cancer. "That fukkin' disease" is the best way I've heard it described yet. Not everything is safe, my dear. Sometimes, cussing is appropriate.
And Commentor #3: I am simply speechless. This is the epitome of why I have lost faith in the human race. Someone bares his soul to you via his music, and all you can think of is a very badly spelled "u are very hott"? I'm sorry. That just makes me sad and a little bit angry.
And this leads me to wonder: Do people think at all anymore? Seriously. I guess I've been thinking about this for a while, but just today it really hit me. Our very personal lives have become very public. For example, I can log into Facebook and see instantly what everyone from my cousin Rhiana at Queen's to Michelle Campbell at CCSS, from Sarah at DCHS to Tim at Lakehead is doing. I don't know about you, but that seems to be almost invasive. Some things were meant to be private. Comments on YouTube work much the same way. People don't think before they comment on videos, as we can see from the above little rant. Sometimes, what you have to say is very important. Sometimes, you have a deep and profound thought, and you really want to share. That's fine. But something like "u are very hott" is something best said to your best friend and then forgotten. This is why I worry about this generation: because no one values thinking anymore, no one values privacy.
(I guess this is a little redundant that I'm posting this on my blog, rather than writing it in my journal, eh?)
Jennie.Rae
Postscript: I was going to link to the video, but I just can't figure out how to copy and paste right now. Call me computer-illiterate if you will, but it actually won't go. :(
And then I watched a video on YouTube (which shouldn't have even happened, because I should be writing a cover letter). It was a mothers day song, and the guy's mother had cancer. He says, "This may be her last mothers day."
And then, the stupid commentors who have no idea what it feels like, say, and I quote: "I lost my grandpa in '05 because of cancer." And "It'd... it'd be better if you didn't cuss..." and, best of all, "OMG this song was good and u are very hott".
Okay, to Commentor #1: Losing your mother is a whole world different from losing your mother. Losing a grandparent sucks, I know. But they're old, and going to die soon, anyway. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. I can't imagine losing my mother. When Geoffrey died, that was enough. But watching my Mommy dying slowly because of cancer, that would be enough to put me over the edge. A better response would have been, perhaps, "I lost my grandpa in '05 to cancer, and I can almost imagine how hard it would be to watch your mother go through that."
Commentor #2: The point of that line ("That fukkin' disease") was not to be family friendly. Cancer in not family friendly. There is nothing safe about cancer. "That fukkin' disease" is the best way I've heard it described yet. Not everything is safe, my dear. Sometimes, cussing is appropriate.
And Commentor #3: I am simply speechless. This is the epitome of why I have lost faith in the human race. Someone bares his soul to you via his music, and all you can think of is a very badly spelled "u are very hott"? I'm sorry. That just makes me sad and a little bit angry.
And this leads me to wonder: Do people think at all anymore? Seriously. I guess I've been thinking about this for a while, but just today it really hit me. Our very personal lives have become very public. For example, I can log into Facebook and see instantly what everyone from my cousin Rhiana at Queen's to Michelle Campbell at CCSS, from Sarah at DCHS to Tim at Lakehead is doing. I don't know about you, but that seems to be almost invasive. Some things were meant to be private. Comments on YouTube work much the same way. People don't think before they comment on videos, as we can see from the above little rant. Sometimes, what you have to say is very important. Sometimes, you have a deep and profound thought, and you really want to share. That's fine. But something like "u are very hott" is something best said to your best friend and then forgotten. This is why I worry about this generation: because no one values thinking anymore, no one values privacy.
(I guess this is a little redundant that I'm posting this on my blog, rather than writing it in my journal, eh?)
Jennie.Rae
Postscript: I was going to link to the video, but I just can't figure out how to copy and paste right now. Call me computer-illiterate if you will, but it actually won't go. :(
30 October 2009
80 years alive and four eating food, five reading books and 57 with you, two eyes one nose one smile one life, it somehow isn't ever quite enough time
^^Hank Green, It All Makes Sense at the End.
I had a realization about myself today, while combating the tiny but ferocious chickens.
I can't wait to get old. That's not to say that I don't love life, and don't want to live every moment to the fullest extent, and that I'm not passionate about living. I do, and I am. But I found this song last night. Look it up on YouTube, because I can't get the URL to copy for some reason. It All Makes Sense at the End, Hank Green.
See, there's something that excites me about being able to look back on my life, and saying, "Damn that was a good time." I look forward to getting married and having kids. I look forward to getting a job, and hopefully doing what I love. But even if that doesn't happen, even if I end up doing something I hate, and I don't ever get married, and my sisters don't even have kids, so I don't get any little babies to play with, and all that, which would SUCK, I still can't want to look back on my life, and seeing why what happened, happened. I don't know if that makes sense.
I really want to get married, so that I can get so enmeshed in his life and in our life together that when I get old, I'll be like Oma and Opa. Oma complains that they barely even see each other, because they don't go out together or anything. But, whenever something happens to Opa, be it a cold or a flu or something worse, she goes mad. It's obvious that after fifty two years they've come to this place where there can be no exsistence with out the other. I truly believe that if one of them died, the other would be gone within six months. That, to me, is the epitome of a successful life and marriage. Even though they maybe had some really hard times - they didn't think my Opa would live to be fifty, because of his health. Yesterday was his seventy-sixth birthday. They had lots of troubles together, but they never stopped loving each other. What Hank says must be true: it does all make sense in the end. They can now look backwards, and say, "Maybe I don't understand why that happened, but it still makes sense. And I'm glad we went through it together."
That intrigues me. I know, I'm only seventeen. And I still have my whole life ahead of me. A life of happiness and heartache, a life of laughters and tears. A whole life. My mother always warns me not to wish my life away. I know that - and I really do enjoy almost every moment of my life. I sure treasure every moment, whether it's easy or hard. And sure, there's things I wish I could tell my younger self (I may just have to write a letter to her...) but that doesn't mean I'm not glad I went through everything I did. I already greatly enjoy looking back on my life. I so, I can't wait until I get old, and then I can reminisce with my old husband, and smile about the good things and chuckle about the stupid things and puzzle over the bad things.
NaNoWriMo starts in two days. I'm participating this year. The plan is to type it all on my typewriter, because otherwise it'll never all get done. I shall write about old people. I love old people. They have such good stories.
Man, it's so hard not to cheat! I want to start the story now, but I can't. 'Cause it's not November yet!
I had a realization about myself today, while combating the tiny but ferocious chickens.
I can't wait to get old. That's not to say that I don't love life, and don't want to live every moment to the fullest extent, and that I'm not passionate about living. I do, and I am. But I found this song last night. Look it up on YouTube, because I can't get the URL to copy for some reason. It All Makes Sense at the End, Hank Green.
See, there's something that excites me about being able to look back on my life, and saying, "Damn that was a good time." I look forward to getting married and having kids. I look forward to getting a job, and hopefully doing what I love. But even if that doesn't happen, even if I end up doing something I hate, and I don't ever get married, and my sisters don't even have kids, so I don't get any little babies to play with, and all that, which would SUCK, I still can't want to look back on my life, and seeing why what happened, happened. I don't know if that makes sense.
I really want to get married, so that I can get so enmeshed in his life and in our life together that when I get old, I'll be like Oma and Opa. Oma complains that they barely even see each other, because they don't go out together or anything. But, whenever something happens to Opa, be it a cold or a flu or something worse, she goes mad. It's obvious that after fifty two years they've come to this place where there can be no exsistence with out the other. I truly believe that if one of them died, the other would be gone within six months. That, to me, is the epitome of a successful life and marriage. Even though they maybe had some really hard times - they didn't think my Opa would live to be fifty, because of his health. Yesterday was his seventy-sixth birthday. They had lots of troubles together, but they never stopped loving each other. What Hank says must be true: it does all make sense in the end. They can now look backwards, and say, "Maybe I don't understand why that happened, but it still makes sense. And I'm glad we went through it together."
That intrigues me. I know, I'm only seventeen. And I still have my whole life ahead of me. A life of happiness and heartache, a life of laughters and tears. A whole life. My mother always warns me not to wish my life away. I know that - and I really do enjoy almost every moment of my life. I sure treasure every moment, whether it's easy or hard. And sure, there's things I wish I could tell my younger self (I may just have to write a letter to her...) but that doesn't mean I'm not glad I went through everything I did. I already greatly enjoy looking back on my life. I so, I can't wait until I get old, and then I can reminisce with my old husband, and smile about the good things and chuckle about the stupid things and puzzle over the bad things.
NaNoWriMo starts in two days. I'm participating this year. The plan is to type it all on my typewriter, because otherwise it'll never all get done. I shall write about old people. I love old people. They have such good stories.
Man, it's so hard not to cheat! I want to start the story now, but I can't. 'Cause it's not November yet!
15 October 2009
Your wrinkled eyes betray the joy with which you smile. - Mika Penniman, Stuck in the Middle
I just realized that I haven't posted since August.
That's not because I have nothing to say. It's just because I've been... busy. I guess. Right now I should be doing homework, but I just can't force myself to think about the Ballets Russes anymore, so I'm not doing it. I should also be doing history and philosophy readings (coincidence that we're talking about John Locke in both classes?) but I just can't bring myself to it.
My dad just got back from parent-teacher interviews. Once again, all my teachers have glowing reports about me. I guess they're all card-carrying members of my fan club. The only members, it sometimes seems. I know, I have lots of friends, and all, but in all honesty, I really only enjoy spending time with a few of them. I guess I'm like Pudge in Looking for Alaska - I'm friends with them because no one else will be, and no one else will be friends with me. But back on topic - Mrs Van Loon seems to think that I'm going into the UN or something and I'm going to single-handedly eradicate poverty, Mr Baker thinks I'm going to go on to become some great philosopher, Mrs Rodriguez thinks I'm going to study history and become a teacher or something. Miss Brouwer is the only one with a realistic veiw of my future - she thinks I'm going to do whatever the heck I want to do, and I'm going to excel at it. She, apparently, said that she's going to miss me next year, although I really don't know why she would. We hardly ever talk, and I'm super-shy in her class. She thinks that I push myself and that if everyone would push themselves like I do then the world would be full of much more fulfilled people. I only want to do well so I can keep my average above 85%, and preferably around a 90%.
Agh, but my head is spinning. I'm trying to figure out how what I'm learning in philosophy affects the way I live (so far I haven't come up with anything because it's all so ABSTRACT!). I'm trying to figure out what school to go to. I basically feel like I'm trying to figure out my whole life, at just barely seventeen. In less than a year, I'll be moved out, and moved in and settled into my new life - it's scary, but it's also really exciting.
This is definitely turning out to be one of the best years of my life.
DFTBA
Jennie.Rae
That's not because I have nothing to say. It's just because I've been... busy. I guess. Right now I should be doing homework, but I just can't force myself to think about the Ballets Russes anymore, so I'm not doing it. I should also be doing history and philosophy readings (coincidence that we're talking about John Locke in both classes?) but I just can't bring myself to it.
My dad just got back from parent-teacher interviews. Once again, all my teachers have glowing reports about me. I guess they're all card-carrying members of my fan club. The only members, it sometimes seems. I know, I have lots of friends, and all, but in all honesty, I really only enjoy spending time with a few of them. I guess I'm like Pudge in Looking for Alaska - I'm friends with them because no one else will be, and no one else will be friends with me. But back on topic - Mrs Van Loon seems to think that I'm going into the UN or something and I'm going to single-handedly eradicate poverty, Mr Baker thinks I'm going to go on to become some great philosopher, Mrs Rodriguez thinks I'm going to study history and become a teacher or something. Miss Brouwer is the only one with a realistic veiw of my future - she thinks I'm going to do whatever the heck I want to do, and I'm going to excel at it. She, apparently, said that she's going to miss me next year, although I really don't know why she would. We hardly ever talk, and I'm super-shy in her class. She thinks that I push myself and that if everyone would push themselves like I do then the world would be full of much more fulfilled people. I only want to do well so I can keep my average above 85%, and preferably around a 90%.
Agh, but my head is spinning. I'm trying to figure out how what I'm learning in philosophy affects the way I live (so far I haven't come up with anything because it's all so ABSTRACT!). I'm trying to figure out what school to go to. I basically feel like I'm trying to figure out my whole life, at just barely seventeen. In less than a year, I'll be moved out, and moved in and settled into my new life - it's scary, but it's also really exciting.
This is definitely turning out to be one of the best years of my life.
DFTBA
Jennie.Rae
31 August 2009
Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic... - Panic! at the Disco (Don't know the song title)
Still vaguely sick. Grr. It's mostly just allergies, though. It'd be great if I could actually sing, though. I still don't have my voice entirely back. I lost it last Saturday, between the wedding and the reception, and just got it mostly back on this past Saturday.
So, I just got back from Dairy Queen with Allison and Tim. It was awesome fun - I haven't seen Allison in like a week and a half, and I haven't seen Tim since July. So it was great fun! I heard lots of stories, from Tim's camp and Allison's ComicCon. Awesome.
Change of topic, because I don't really care to continue telling that story - just not interested right now.
Mister Mark is officially my favourite. Like, right now, he's got the top spot in my Top Five (sorry Neil, Sarah, Allison, Richard and John). He came into the market yesterday, after church with Debbie, his wife. And he gave me a book! A Max Lucado book - You Are Mine. It's one of the Wemmicks books. It's just a picture book, but it's amazing. I love it. And I love Mister Mark, too. He's kind of my real life hero. You know how everyone has, like, their celebrity hero, and then their real life hero? Yeah. My celebrity hero (actually, there's two) is John Green and Neil Gaiman. Neil has a made of awesome British accent, and John has made of awesome puff levels, and they both write beautifully and truthfully and made of awesomely. And Mister Mark just is made of awesome - it's quite obvious that he's the happiest man alive, and I want that. I want to learn everything I can from him. I just can't get over how made of awesome he is!!
(That wasn't supposed to be creepy or anything. But it's true.)
I read Paper Towns (which anagrams to Pants Power, isn't that awesome? I bet John did that on purpose). IT WAS SO GOOD!! And I've read Looking for Alaska three times now this summer. And I'm rubbing off on Crystal - she's turning into an avid reader! And I'm reading The Witch of Blackbird Pond, which is also pretty good. And Panic! at the Disco is my new favourite band, next to Superchic[k]. And with Nickelback and Hedley. Hoorah for favourites!!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
So, I just got back from Dairy Queen with Allison and Tim. It was awesome fun - I haven't seen Allison in like a week and a half, and I haven't seen Tim since July. So it was great fun! I heard lots of stories, from Tim's camp and Allison's ComicCon. Awesome.
Change of topic, because I don't really care to continue telling that story - just not interested right now.
Mister Mark is officially my favourite. Like, right now, he's got the top spot in my Top Five (sorry Neil, Sarah, Allison, Richard and John). He came into the market yesterday, after church with Debbie, his wife. And he gave me a book! A Max Lucado book - You Are Mine. It's one of the Wemmicks books. It's just a picture book, but it's amazing. I love it. And I love Mister Mark, too. He's kind of my real life hero. You know how everyone has, like, their celebrity hero, and then their real life hero? Yeah. My celebrity hero (actually, there's two) is John Green and Neil Gaiman. Neil has a made of awesome British accent, and John has made of awesome puff levels, and they both write beautifully and truthfully and made of awesomely. And Mister Mark just is made of awesome - it's quite obvious that he's the happiest man alive, and I want that. I want to learn everything I can from him. I just can't get over how made of awesome he is!!
(That wasn't supposed to be creepy or anything. But it's true.)
I read Paper Towns (which anagrams to Pants Power, isn't that awesome? I bet John did that on purpose). IT WAS SO GOOD!! And I've read Looking for Alaska three times now this summer. And I'm rubbing off on Crystal - she's turning into an avid reader! And I'm reading The Witch of Blackbird Pond, which is also pretty good. And Panic! at the Disco is my new favourite band, next to Superchic[k]. And with Nickelback and Hedley. Hoorah for favourites!!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
19 August 2009
Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. - Terry Pratchett, Small Gods
Not happy.
Kyle, Bronwyn and Trevor are all sick. Trevor wasn't sick until today, so it wasn't him. Bronwyn or Kyle made me sick. I now have a raw throat and a flowing nose. Ugh. And food isn't appealing, nor is water. Ugh.
I really hope that it's just Bronwyn's cold, though. Kyle, purportedly, was four degrees away from having hallucinations. AND HE WAS STILL AT WORK!! It's no wonder I did all the work closing Whites two days ago. He's a crazy man. Because the shop boys "don't call in sick". That's silly, if you ask me. It's not as if they don't have enough guys to do all the work if one isn't there. And Kyle, I think, is the least important of the shop boys, because he's also the newest. But I really really hope that he's back tomorrow, because it'll be the last time I get to see him before he goes to school, and I really want to say goodbye. Because he's leaving this weekend, and I'm obviously not working.
And that's why I'm so mad that I'm sick. Andrea's wedding, then the head shave, and then it's the 24th, which is both the day that I'm leaving to go camping for five days, and also the one-year anniversary of Geoffrey's death. This is a pretty rocky time. Super exciting, but hard, too.
Because I keep on remembering the full-fledged panic I was in last year at this time. And I want to talk about it, but the only people I see are the people at work, and they don't understand. Because as much as it sucks and all, I don't want their sympathy, because it doesn't really hurt anymore. Maybe I'm just numb to the pain, but I don't hurt anymore. It's just a fact. There's nothing I can do about it. I don't even wish for him on falling stars or at 11:11 or on those seeds you're supposed to catch and wish on anymore. Because it doesn't hurt anymore. I've moved on. And I wouldn't go back to who I was before he died for any money or any other reward in the world. I like this new and improved me.
And now I'm going to go lie down for a bit, because I have to fold wedding bulletins later and I'm tired. And then, when I'm done, I'm taking Neo Citran to knock myself out, and going to sleep. Yay sleep! (Although, if I have more dreams like last night, it may be... more interesting than I care admit...)
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Kyle, Bronwyn and Trevor are all sick. Trevor wasn't sick until today, so it wasn't him. Bronwyn or Kyle made me sick. I now have a raw throat and a flowing nose. Ugh. And food isn't appealing, nor is water. Ugh.
I really hope that it's just Bronwyn's cold, though. Kyle, purportedly, was four degrees away from having hallucinations. AND HE WAS STILL AT WORK!! It's no wonder I did all the work closing Whites two days ago. He's a crazy man. Because the shop boys "don't call in sick". That's silly, if you ask me. It's not as if they don't have enough guys to do all the work if one isn't there. And Kyle, I think, is the least important of the shop boys, because he's also the newest. But I really really hope that he's back tomorrow, because it'll be the last time I get to see him before he goes to school, and I really want to say goodbye. Because he's leaving this weekend, and I'm obviously not working.
And that's why I'm so mad that I'm sick. Andrea's wedding, then the head shave, and then it's the 24th, which is both the day that I'm leaving to go camping for five days, and also the one-year anniversary of Geoffrey's death. This is a pretty rocky time. Super exciting, but hard, too.
Because I keep on remembering the full-fledged panic I was in last year at this time. And I want to talk about it, but the only people I see are the people at work, and they don't understand. Because as much as it sucks and all, I don't want their sympathy, because it doesn't really hurt anymore. Maybe I'm just numb to the pain, but I don't hurt anymore. It's just a fact. There's nothing I can do about it. I don't even wish for him on falling stars or at 11:11 or on those seeds you're supposed to catch and wish on anymore. Because it doesn't hurt anymore. I've moved on. And I wouldn't go back to who I was before he died for any money or any other reward in the world. I like this new and improved me.
And now I'm going to go lie down for a bit, because I have to fold wedding bulletins later and I'm tired. And then, when I'm done, I'm taking Neo Citran to knock myself out, and going to sleep. Yay sleep! (Although, if I have more dreams like last night, it may be... more interesting than I care admit...)
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
13 August 2009
The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - William Shakespeare
Not a word of a lie - that's actually a Shakespeare quote. Don't know where it's from, but it is.
Last night was the meteor shower. I went outside at like 12:00, and I stayed until about 2:10. I must have seen 20 or 30 shooting stars! It was awesome. I just lay on the patio, and then later on the piece of shed that fell down, wrapped in two throw blankets and with a throw pillow, and watched the sky. It was so peaceful - that is why I love the night time. I really could be a dwarf, you know. I love hot things (like forges!) and darkness. I love making things (like smithing!), pretty things. But above all, I love the night time. I love it when your eyes adjust to the darkness, and the only colours you can see are blacks and greys and pinks. Lying on the patio in the middle of the night just felt right. It was like I always imagined, only I was all by myself. It felt like I was the only person in the world, and I didn't like that. I like to be with people, even if I don't want to talk to them. If it had been lighter (I know, I just said I liked the dark, and now I'm wishing it had been lighter?) I would have written, and then I wouldn't have felt so lonely, probably.
I guess it's best summed up by this anecdote: Kyle told me about the meteor shower, and said, "Sam and I bought a hammock." Sam is his girlfriend. And then I couldn't picture a better way to watch the meteor shower than wrapped up in a blanket, snuggling with someone you love in the hammock. And that's why it was lonely.
And today I'm going to actually be productive (because I've been working a lot lately, so I'm trying to keep that streak going, even if I have 'til Sunday off), so I'm going to go do that now.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Last night was the meteor shower. I went outside at like 12:00, and I stayed until about 2:10. I must have seen 20 or 30 shooting stars! It was awesome. I just lay on the patio, and then later on the piece of shed that fell down, wrapped in two throw blankets and with a throw pillow, and watched the sky. It was so peaceful - that is why I love the night time. I really could be a dwarf, you know. I love hot things (like forges!) and darkness. I love making things (like smithing!), pretty things. But above all, I love the night time. I love it when your eyes adjust to the darkness, and the only colours you can see are blacks and greys and pinks. Lying on the patio in the middle of the night just felt right. It was like I always imagined, only I was all by myself. It felt like I was the only person in the world, and I didn't like that. I like to be with people, even if I don't want to talk to them. If it had been lighter (I know, I just said I liked the dark, and now I'm wishing it had been lighter?) I would have written, and then I wouldn't have felt so lonely, probably.
I guess it's best summed up by this anecdote: Kyle told me about the meteor shower, and said, "Sam and I bought a hammock." Sam is his girlfriend. And then I couldn't picture a better way to watch the meteor shower than wrapped up in a blanket, snuggling with someone you love in the hammock. And that's why it was lonely.
And today I'm going to actually be productive (because I've been working a lot lately, so I'm trying to keep that streak going, even if I have 'til Sunday off), so I'm going to go do that now.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
08 August 2009
Siblings who claim to always get along are most definitely hiding something. - Lemony Snicket
For Shiro is not finished yet, but will be up soon, I hope. Apparently I have no idea of what it takes to actually draw a webcomic strip. :S
I'm headed over to the Little Hair Shoppe in a few minutes, because Andrea's having a trial run for her wedding 'do and I'm going to look at pictures to see what I want to do. I'm really excited. And at some point, I have to buy fake nails (I'm afraid they're my only hope, because my nails are always so disgusting from work). I can't wait!!
I finished Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox two nights ago, and now I'm reading Tithe. Funny how they're both about faeries, only the Holly Black faeries are totally different than the Eoin Colfer fairies. But they make faeries cool, which they always were, but they make other people believe they're cool, too.
But now I guess I should head out, since I'm walking to the Little Hair Shoppe.
DFTBA
Jennie.Rae
I'm headed over to the Little Hair Shoppe in a few minutes, because Andrea's having a trial run for her wedding 'do and I'm going to look at pictures to see what I want to do. I'm really excited. And at some point, I have to buy fake nails (I'm afraid they're my only hope, because my nails are always so disgusting from work). I can't wait!!
I finished Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox two nights ago, and now I'm reading Tithe. Funny how they're both about faeries, only the Holly Black faeries are totally different than the Eoin Colfer fairies. But they make faeries cool, which they always were, but they make other people believe they're cool, too.
But now I guess I should head out, since I'm walking to the Little Hair Shoppe.
DFTBA
Jennie.Rae
02 August 2009
Books are the ultimate Dumpees: put them down and they'll wait for you forever; pay attention to them and they'll always love you back. - John Green
So, For Shiro starts today, actually. Allison and I are going to get together today, and I believe the plan is to start working on the first page. Hopefully we'll be able to post it to DeviantArt today, and I'll put the link up here.
It's nearly time to go to church, though, so I'd better go look like I'm ready. (I've been ready for about half an hour, but I'd better to make sure everyone knows it!)
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee Ess, Neil Gaiman is officially made of magic and awesome and has a sexy English accent. If ever you're looking for a good read, read Stardust or Coraline or Anansi Boys etc.
It's nearly time to go to church, though, so I'd better go look like I'm ready. (I've been ready for about half an hour, but I'd better to make sure everyone knows it!)
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee Ess, Neil Gaiman is officially made of magic and awesome and has a sexy English accent. If ever you're looking for a good read, read Stardust or Coraline or Anansi Boys etc.
22 July 2009
I lack both the energy and the willpower to come up with something witty today.
Oh, wow. I got up this morning, a little confused (the Radish and Allison were both dead in my dream last night, and I spent most of the night dreaming I was crying) but feeling pretty good about the day. I didn't think that it would end in tears.
Let me explain.
As I'm sure all of you know, Geoffrey died last August. I have dedicated 11:11 every day, at least once, sometimes (if I see it) twice to thinking about him, because before he died, that was always my wish: that he would get better. And then, a long time after he died, I decided that my wish did come true - in a left-handed way. He's not suffering anymore, and no one could say he'd be better off here than in Heaven. But I realized, today, that that doesn't matter to me - I still want him here. And I know that's very selfish of me. But some days I just need to be selfish. And yeah, I know that you could say that I've spent the evening having a pity party, but some days I need that, too.
I watched So You Think You Can Dance. There was one dance, it was about breast cancer, and I bawled. And that's what made me cry.
Sometimes I'm so cheery that I even make myself sick.
I know this guy. I'm not going to say who he is, or where I know him from. I'd really like to be better friends with him, although I think that is going to be very hard - the environment I usually see him in is very... fierce. Any softness is mocked, and any genuine caring is scoffed. I am terrified of being made fun of, and this guy is sometimes seen as kind of... stupid, although I prefer to think of it as Artist's Syndrome - scatterbrained.
That in and of itself is not the issue. That's all background information. The issue is, every time I spend time with him, I leave thinking about Geoffrey. Like I can't be friends with another guy (the Cherd discluded, because I was already friends with him) without somehow letting Geoffrey down. But that's stupid, because (a) Geoffrey would never even think to try to limit who I can be friends with, (b) if anything, Geoffrey would want me to have more friends, and (c) there is no limit to how much love you can feel. It's not as though you're given one set amount of love for your lifetime, and when you start to love someone new, you have to love someone you already love less. It doesn't work that way. When you start to love someone new, your "love quota" grows.
But I need, somehow, to figure out who I am, and how I'm changed because I knew and lost Geoffrey before I can even think about even the immediate future. I'm trying to decide what I want to go to school for. I could do anything I liked. I have the brains, and I have the willpower (most days). So that doesn't help. I have to decide who I am, and what I want my personal life to look like before I can decide what I want to do with my education and my future career.
I don't like letting go like that. It may take me years to figure out who I am. I like being in control of who I am, and I like to know what I want from myself and others. But if it takes me years to figure out who I am by myself, then I'll wait that long before I try to figure out who I'll be when/if I find someone else to add to myself to make into two complete people. I have to learn to love myself before I can learn to love anyone new. Before I can love myself, I have to know who my "self" is.
I really don't know if any of that made any sense whatsoever. And I apologise for not blogging in so long (even though for anyone else, it wasn't that long at all). I've been really lazy when not at work, and even though that's not an excuse, it's all I've got.
Tomorrow, I shall hopefully be able to post a link to Allison's and my webcomic, For Shiro, on DeviantArt (it has to be tomorrow, because the first strip is not even planned out yet, let alone drawn). In the meantime, I hope y'all have a good evening, and a great tomorrow.
Thanks for being made of magic and awesome, y'all.
Jennie.Rae
Let me explain.
As I'm sure all of you know, Geoffrey died last August. I have dedicated 11:11 every day, at least once, sometimes (if I see it) twice to thinking about him, because before he died, that was always my wish: that he would get better. And then, a long time after he died, I decided that my wish did come true - in a left-handed way. He's not suffering anymore, and no one could say he'd be better off here than in Heaven. But I realized, today, that that doesn't matter to me - I still want him here. And I know that's very selfish of me. But some days I just need to be selfish. And yeah, I know that you could say that I've spent the evening having a pity party, but some days I need that, too.
I watched So You Think You Can Dance. There was one dance, it was about breast cancer, and I bawled. And that's what made me cry.
Sometimes I'm so cheery that I even make myself sick.
I know this guy. I'm not going to say who he is, or where I know him from. I'd really like to be better friends with him, although I think that is going to be very hard - the environment I usually see him in is very... fierce. Any softness is mocked, and any genuine caring is scoffed. I am terrified of being made fun of, and this guy is sometimes seen as kind of... stupid, although I prefer to think of it as Artist's Syndrome - scatterbrained.
That in and of itself is not the issue. That's all background information. The issue is, every time I spend time with him, I leave thinking about Geoffrey. Like I can't be friends with another guy (the Cherd discluded, because I was already friends with him) without somehow letting Geoffrey down. But that's stupid, because (a) Geoffrey would never even think to try to limit who I can be friends with, (b) if anything, Geoffrey would want me to have more friends, and (c) there is no limit to how much love you can feel. It's not as though you're given one set amount of love for your lifetime, and when you start to love someone new, you have to love someone you already love less. It doesn't work that way. When you start to love someone new, your "love quota" grows.
But I need, somehow, to figure out who I am, and how I'm changed because I knew and lost Geoffrey before I can even think about even the immediate future. I'm trying to decide what I want to go to school for. I could do anything I liked. I have the brains, and I have the willpower (most days). So that doesn't help. I have to decide who I am, and what I want my personal life to look like before I can decide what I want to do with my education and my future career.
I don't like letting go like that. It may take me years to figure out who I am. I like being in control of who I am, and I like to know what I want from myself and others. But if it takes me years to figure out who I am by myself, then I'll wait that long before I try to figure out who I'll be when/if I find someone else to add to myself to make into two complete people. I have to learn to love myself before I can learn to love anyone new. Before I can love myself, I have to know who my "self" is.
I really don't know if any of that made any sense whatsoever. And I apologise for not blogging in so long (even though for anyone else, it wasn't that long at all). I've been really lazy when not at work, and even though that's not an excuse, it's all I've got.
Tomorrow, I shall hopefully be able to post a link to Allison's and my webcomic, For Shiro, on DeviantArt (it has to be tomorrow, because the first strip is not even planned out yet, let alone drawn). In the meantime, I hope y'all have a good evening, and a great tomorrow.
Thanks for being made of magic and awesome, y'all.
Jennie.Rae
16 July 2009
WARNING!! Spoilers for John Green's Looking for Alaska. After my shameless plugging for his books in previous posts, don't read this one if you're
going to read the book.
To get started: I am frightened a little bit by how much I see myself in the character of Alaska Young. Maybe not so flirty, not so bad-ass, but in her mood swings, the way she talks, all of it. She just is like me. Or, maybe I see the person I could be. I could be, as the back of the book calls it, "gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up and utterly fascinating". Maybe I just want to be like her. (Maybe I couldn't pull of the gorgeous, I dunno.)
Pudge (or, Miles, I suppose) says that she had a strength that he didn't - that she found a way out of the "labyrinth", and that he was too scared to. I disagree wholeheartedly. I believe that Alaska lacked his courage. The courage to, through it all, just hold on. Speaking as someone who knows how hard it is just to stop breathing (I couldn't do it) I know the kind of courage it takes to just stick it out. My best friend (one of them) wanted to kill herself this year. I saw in her the kind of courage that no one could ever find anywhere else. Suicide is not, as some people see it, a brave act. It is selfish, and it is cowardly.
The back of the book has some discussion questions. One of them asks what do you think of the Great Perhaps, and what do you think of the "labyrinth". I think the only way out of the labyrinth is to find the Great Perhaps.
I'm still not sure if I believe in Heaven. I want to, because then I get to see Geoffrey again. And for a long time, that thought was the only thing that kept me clinging to God. But I want to be like that woman, proclaiming that a man should not love God for want of Heaven of fear of Hell, but because he is God. That is why I want to believe in God. Maybe Heaven is the Great Perhaps. Then again, maybe it's not. Maybe going to Oxford is my Great Perhaps. Maybe moving to Australia is the Cherd's Great Perhaps. Maybe Heaven was Geoffrey's Great Perhaps.
You'll never know if you've gotten to the Great Perhaps, if you've gotten out of the "labyrinth" until you get there, I suppose.
And now that I have to be at the Radish's in less than 12 hours, maybe I should at least make an attempt to sleep, even though I'm not in the least bit sleepy. Today has been a sit and read day. I read two provocative novels, and I think I need to think and unwind a bit more before I sleep. Who knows.
I go to seek the Great Perhaps (Francois Rabelais)
Jennie.Rae
To get started: I am frightened a little bit by how much I see myself in the character of Alaska Young. Maybe not so flirty, not so bad-ass, but in her mood swings, the way she talks, all of it. She just is like me. Or, maybe I see the person I could be. I could be, as the back of the book calls it, "gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up and utterly fascinating". Maybe I just want to be like her. (Maybe I couldn't pull of the gorgeous, I dunno.)
Pudge (or, Miles, I suppose) says that she had a strength that he didn't - that she found a way out of the "labyrinth", and that he was too scared to. I disagree wholeheartedly. I believe that Alaska lacked his courage. The courage to, through it all, just hold on. Speaking as someone who knows how hard it is just to stop breathing (I couldn't do it) I know the kind of courage it takes to just stick it out. My best friend (one of them) wanted to kill herself this year. I saw in her the kind of courage that no one could ever find anywhere else. Suicide is not, as some people see it, a brave act. It is selfish, and it is cowardly.
The back of the book has some discussion questions. One of them asks what do you think of the Great Perhaps, and what do you think of the "labyrinth". I think the only way out of the labyrinth is to find the Great Perhaps.
I'm still not sure if I believe in Heaven. I want to, because then I get to see Geoffrey again. And for a long time, that thought was the only thing that kept me clinging to God. But I want to be like that woman, proclaiming that a man should not love God for want of Heaven of fear of Hell, but because he is God. That is why I want to believe in God. Maybe Heaven is the Great Perhaps. Then again, maybe it's not. Maybe going to Oxford is my Great Perhaps. Maybe moving to Australia is the Cherd's Great Perhaps. Maybe Heaven was Geoffrey's Great Perhaps.
You'll never know if you've gotten to the Great Perhaps, if you've gotten out of the "labyrinth" until you get there, I suppose.
And now that I have to be at the Radish's in less than 12 hours, maybe I should at least make an attempt to sleep, even though I'm not in the least bit sleepy. Today has been a sit and read day. I read two provocative novels, and I think I need to think and unwind a bit more before I sleep. Who knows.
I go to seek the Great Perhaps (Francois Rabelais)
Jennie.Rae
15 July 2009
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want--an adorable pancreas?--Jean Kerr, (1923--)
Three real, important, and exciting things.
1. I finished A Great and Terrible Beauty! It's by Libba Bray if anyone wants to look it up and read it. It's amazing. But, be forewarned, it's kind of dark. If you wanted to borrow my copy... it's been written in. I've decided that the best reading experience is when you take notes on the book, and note things that you like and/or dislike about the book. It's easier to track things like symbols and such. Not that I'm an English nerd or anything. =P
2. My bookshelf is full. This is neither a good thing, nor a happy thing, but it is real, important, and exciting nonetheless. I just bought three new books, and now I have to find homes for them all. Poop on a stick! (My new favourite swear-phrase) (Because it's more than one word) I have everything organised by genre, so I can't even just plop them in any old where. It goes realistic fiction, then historical fiction, then fantasy/science fiction, and then children's books, more or less. And within that, it also is organised by how much I actually like the book. So, no one else could figure out my organisation, but everything has it's own very specific place. Which reminds me, I must get my book and my letter from the Radish tomorrow.
3. I passed my grade eight piano exam! With 72%! That's an honours mark! Hoorah! For those of you who don't know, we weren't even sure if I would pass, because I was no where near ready. But I did! I'm sooooo happy!!!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee Ess. My face hurts. Stupid orthodontist. He put a chain elastic on the bottom, so every tooth on the bottom is connected not only with a wire, but also a very tight elastic. I have to wear elastics that are about half a milimetre in radius from the top jaw hooked onto two teeth on the bottom, for twelve hours a day. Argh. Ouch. And if I'm not wearing said elastics, my braces rip open the insides of my lips. I may even break down and put on wax, even though I'll feel weak for still wearing it two years into having braces. Seriously, I should have enough callouses by now. But I don't. And now I shall stop rambling and boring you all to tears. And go attempt to brush my teeth without wanting to rip my face off because it hurts so much. And take more painkillers. DFTBA.
1. I finished A Great and Terrible Beauty! It's by Libba Bray if anyone wants to look it up and read it. It's amazing. But, be forewarned, it's kind of dark. If you wanted to borrow my copy... it's been written in. I've decided that the best reading experience is when you take notes on the book, and note things that you like and/or dislike about the book. It's easier to track things like symbols and such. Not that I'm an English nerd or anything. =P
2. My bookshelf is full. This is neither a good thing, nor a happy thing, but it is real, important, and exciting nonetheless. I just bought three new books, and now I have to find homes for them all. Poop on a stick! (My new favourite swear-phrase) (Because it's more than one word) I have everything organised by genre, so I can't even just plop them in any old where. It goes realistic fiction, then historical fiction, then fantasy/science fiction, and then children's books, more or less. And within that, it also is organised by how much I actually like the book. So, no one else could figure out my organisation, but everything has it's own very specific place. Which reminds me, I must get my book and my letter from the Radish tomorrow.
3. I passed my grade eight piano exam! With 72%! That's an honours mark! Hoorah! For those of you who don't know, we weren't even sure if I would pass, because I was no where near ready. But I did! I'm sooooo happy!!!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee Ess. My face hurts. Stupid orthodontist. He put a chain elastic on the bottom, so every tooth on the bottom is connected not only with a wire, but also a very tight elastic. I have to wear elastics that are about half a milimetre in radius from the top jaw hooked onto two teeth on the bottom, for twelve hours a day. Argh. Ouch. And if I'm not wearing said elastics, my braces rip open the insides of my lips. I may even break down and put on wax, even though I'll feel weak for still wearing it two years into having braces. Seriously, I should have enough callouses by now. But I don't. And now I shall stop rambling and boring you all to tears. And go attempt to brush my teeth without wanting to rip my face off because it hurts so much. And take more painkillers. DFTBA.
14 July 2009
Ninty percent of true love is acute, earburning embarrassment. - Terry Pratchett, "Wyrd Sisters"
You know, I just thought of it - Wyrd sisters would describe me and my sisters to a tee.
So, the reason why I haven't posted anything in twelve years, is because, as you know, I'm sure, I've been working. A lot. So now, I'm burnt out, tired, head-ache-y, and barely able to hold my head up straight. (By the way, Radish and Cherd, thanks for being concerned, but I've done more hours in the same amount of time, just later in the summer.) (And thank goodness for spellcheck!)
Today, I would have been out almost two hundred dollars if I'd been alone when I was counting my cash - two hundred dollars short, which is a fire-able offense, obviously. So I was freaking out. Good thing Patrick (whose real name is Tammy, but Tami is my boss, so you can't have two Tammys/Tamis around) was there to look over my shoulder and figure out what my issue was. That's the second time I almost cried today. It turns out that I just can't add, that's all. Two fifty dollar bills are one hundred dollars, not fifty. And my voids weren't adding up right. And I forgot about my coupons.
And then Mister Mark drove me home. We had to stop at Mister Paul and Missus Tami's house to drop off the cash, and then we drove home. It was nice. I really like Mister Mark. He's possibly the best man I've ever met outside of my family and my church. And even in competition with my church, he's pretty high up there. And his wife, Debbie, is a sweetheart, too. They came out to the market one day, after Mark had been working all day, just to bring me a fahita, because I told Mark he could bring me one, when he said Debbie was making them for dinner. It was the best fahita I'd ever eaten.
I got another ten dollars from Patrick today to shave my head, and the sist's friend promised me another twenty-five, so I'm up to one hundred and thirty five, I think. Yay! I wonder how Allison's doing. Maybe I should call her tomorrow, since I think she's home, now. Yay, again!
Anyway, now I'm just blabbering on for something to do while I finish my hot chocolate, so I'm going to stop what I'm sure is torture for you, my dear reader (well, that wasn't cheesy at all!). I'm skipping the shower tonight. I'll go write a little more of a story, and go to bed.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
So, the reason why I haven't posted anything in twelve years, is because, as you know, I'm sure, I've been working. A lot. So now, I'm burnt out, tired, head-ache-y, and barely able to hold my head up straight. (By the way, Radish and Cherd, thanks for being concerned, but I've done more hours in the same amount of time, just later in the summer.) (And thank goodness for spellcheck!)
Today, I would have been out almost two hundred dollars if I'd been alone when I was counting my cash - two hundred dollars short, which is a fire-able offense, obviously. So I was freaking out. Good thing Patrick (whose real name is Tammy, but Tami is my boss, so you can't have two Tammys/Tamis around) was there to look over my shoulder and figure out what my issue was. That's the second time I almost cried today. It turns out that I just can't add, that's all. Two fifty dollar bills are one hundred dollars, not fifty. And my voids weren't adding up right. And I forgot about my coupons.
And then Mister Mark drove me home. We had to stop at Mister Paul and Missus Tami's house to drop off the cash, and then we drove home. It was nice. I really like Mister Mark. He's possibly the best man I've ever met outside of my family and my church. And even in competition with my church, he's pretty high up there. And his wife, Debbie, is a sweetheart, too. They came out to the market one day, after Mark had been working all day, just to bring me a fahita, because I told Mark he could bring me one, when he said Debbie was making them for dinner. It was the best fahita I'd ever eaten.
I got another ten dollars from Patrick today to shave my head, and the sist's friend promised me another twenty-five, so I'm up to one hundred and thirty five, I think. Yay! I wonder how Allison's doing. Maybe I should call her tomorrow, since I think she's home, now. Yay, again!
Anyway, now I'm just blabbering on for something to do while I finish my hot chocolate, so I'm going to stop what I'm sure is torture for you, my dear reader (well, that wasn't cheesy at all!). I'm skipping the shower tonight. I'll go write a little more of a story, and go to bed.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
08 July 2009
Nerd girls are the world's greatest, under-utilised romantic resource. - John Green
I've become addicted to this. It's like journaling only much more better! Because, in my opinion, all writing is meant to be read, and a journal isn't often read. And that is why there are updates nearly every day. But please, leave comments, people! If you don't have a gmail account, sign up for one, just so you can leave comments! You don't have to use it - I have three accounts, now, and only use one during the school year, one all the time, and the third for this blog. I love comments, they make me feel warm and fuzzy inside!
So, basically, I feel like I'm wasting my life, here. What is the point? I'm not learning anything, I'm not doing anything constructive. I wish I'd enrolled in summer school, because then I could actually be doing something. Although, I don't know how many of the courses I'm taking next year they actually run in summer school. And I'm not making any contribution to society, working in retail. I wish I could just get on with my life. Summer, while I love the warmth of it (not that there's been much, lately), is a waste of time. I almost wish that I could go to school from February until November, and then have December and January off. I'd rather be in my air-conditioned school (alright, fine, it's more of a refrigerated school) than my non-air-conditioned house. Somehow there always seems to be more to do in the winter. And then I could actually play in the snow, which I love to do.
And now, some "alternate" meanings for DFTBA. (Because I found some on YouTube that I liked.) Darling, Fetch The Battle Axe. Dinosaurs Failed To Beat Astroid. Do Fish Take Baths Alot? I can't remember any of the other ones, I can't find the video where they had it, and my father needs the computer.
So,
DFTBA for now,
Jennie.Rae
So, basically, I feel like I'm wasting my life, here. What is the point? I'm not learning anything, I'm not doing anything constructive. I wish I'd enrolled in summer school, because then I could actually be doing something. Although, I don't know how many of the courses I'm taking next year they actually run in summer school. And I'm not making any contribution to society, working in retail. I wish I could just get on with my life. Summer, while I love the warmth of it (not that there's been much, lately), is a waste of time. I almost wish that I could go to school from February until November, and then have December and January off. I'd rather be in my air-conditioned school (alright, fine, it's more of a refrigerated school) than my non-air-conditioned house. Somehow there always seems to be more to do in the winter. And then I could actually play in the snow, which I love to do.
And now, some "alternate" meanings for DFTBA. (Because I found some on YouTube that I liked.) Darling, Fetch The Battle Axe. Dinosaurs Failed To Beat Astroid. Do Fish Take Baths Alot? I can't remember any of the other ones, I can't find the video where they had it, and my father needs the computer.
So,
DFTBA for now,
Jennie.Rae
07 July 2009
Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them. - Lemony Snicket
Google Verb! A meme from vlogbrothers.
Jennie needs: Jennie needs to milk the cows
Jennie looks like: Jennie looks like some random slore porn star who wasn't hot enough
Jennie says: "People usually get a car fixed close to where they live or close to where they work"
Jennie wants: Jennie wants you to meet her
Jennie does: Jennie does two things in her artwork that I really love
Jennie hates: Jennie hates her exhusband with a hate so feriocious a dart of my evil eye may possibly be fatal (That's pretty strong.)
Jennie asks: "Is it possible to give a prediction of when I might get pregnant/give birth?" (What?!)
Jennie likes: Jennie likes to think that she discovered Despair.com before me
Jennie eats: Jennie eats anything. ANYTHING. Beans, lentils, fruits, veggies, Ty's leftovers, stuff off the floor, lint, whatever
Jennie wears: Jennie wears a GPRS tracking collar
Jennie was arrested for: Jennie was arrested for stealing students' painkillers
Jennie loves: Jennie loves sex. (I looked for something else, but that was the ONLY result on the whole first page. Um.)
So, that's it. Now I fear for the state of humanity.
Jennie needs: Jennie needs to milk the cows
Jennie looks like: Jennie looks like some random slore porn star who wasn't hot enough
Jennie says: "People usually get a car fixed close to where they live or close to where they work"
Jennie wants: Jennie wants you to meet her
Jennie does: Jennie does two things in her artwork that I really love
Jennie hates: Jennie hates her exhusband with a hate so feriocious a dart of my evil eye may possibly be fatal (That's pretty strong.)
Jennie asks: "Is it possible to give a prediction of when I might get pregnant/give birth?" (What?!)
Jennie likes: Jennie likes to think that she discovered Despair.com before me
Jennie eats: Jennie eats anything. ANYTHING. Beans, lentils, fruits, veggies, Ty's leftovers, stuff off the floor, lint, whatever
Jennie wears: Jennie wears a GPRS tracking collar
Jennie was arrested for: Jennie was arrested for stealing students' painkillers
Jennie loves: Jennie loves sex. (I looked for something else, but that was the ONLY result on the whole first page. Um.)
So, that's it. Now I fear for the state of humanity.
06 July 2009
Things that try to look like things often look more like things than things. - Granny Weatherwax
I've decided to title each of my posts with a witty aphorism. I like aphorisms, even if they don't mean anything at all.
I just got back from picking strawberries with my mother and my father. Strawberry picking used to be one of the highlights of my summer, but lately I've not liked it as much. Maybe it's because I work with them, or maybe it's just because I don't like them as much anymore. Or, maybe it's simply because they're farther away from me, now that I'm a whole lot bigger. And I don't like bending down that far. 'Cause I still love strawberries, even if I can't smell them. Like, ever. Stupid allergies and noses that don't work. Argh.
All in all, though, today was a good day. I finally found a pair of capris that fit, and that I like! And they're new denim, too! Usually I hate the feeling of new denim, so I buy jeans at the second hand store. But at Suzy Shier they had some that felt like they'd already been worn in, and it made me very happy. Because I hate new denim. Not that anyone cares.
I've decided that I'm not very good at blogging, because I don't ever talk about anything interesting. I mean, aphorisms, strawberry picking, and jeans. Who cares? Although, I guess, if you care enough to read this, then you obviously care about what I have to say. That sentence made not very much sense at all, but I still like it. I don't make very much sense, either, in a non-sensical, sensical way. Is sensical even a word?
So, Thursday is Geoffrey's birthday. I work all day. That's gonna suck. But hopefully it won't be too hard. Haha, that's a funny joke. He would have been sixteen - what better birthday is there? I mean, he'd be off for his G1 soon, he'd probably already have read the book, and be signed up for driver's ed, if I know him at all. Ick. I don't want to think about it. Because I'd counted on him being around for my sixteenth birthday. They gave him two months, and so he should have still been alive at the beginning of October. I guess that's what I'm still so bitter about. I was reading bits of my journal last night, and I read what I wrote on August 23rd. That was the day of the staff party last year. I remember it exactly. I was sitting on the edge of the wagon, the left side, and Kyle was sitting beside me.
"How's it going?" he asked me.
"Alright, all things considered." I stared out over the dark strawberry field, pitying myself.
"What d'you mean?"
"Remember the friend I told you about, who's in the hospital?"
"Yeah."
I didn't look at him, I just blurted it out, because I had to tell someone, someone who didn't know Geoffrey, because that was easier. "We got the test results. He's got a very aggressive type of cancer. They're giving him two months." He sort of patted my arm, and I don't remember how he ended the conversation, but I think he left quite soon after I said that. I tried not to cry. I was terrified.
And the next day, I worked all day. And then I came home, and Mom told me.
I wasn't scheduled to work for the rest of the week, which I suppose was an Act of God. When I did finally go back, Dave was driving me, Nathan and someone else, I don't remember who it was, to satellites. They were all complaining about how their lives sucked, and I just sat there and listened. I wasn't very talkative, at that point, yet. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I must have said it very loudly, because everyone fell silent and it was really awkward after.
"My friend just died on Sunday, so I don't think you should be complaining." No one said anything for a long time, and Dave just patted my arm, I guess he was trying to comfort me in some way.
And Nathan knew someone else who'd just died, and he thought maybe it was the same person. I assured him it was not. The other guy died about a week before Geoffrey did.
And where did that story come from?!?
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
I just got back from picking strawberries with my mother and my father. Strawberry picking used to be one of the highlights of my summer, but lately I've not liked it as much. Maybe it's because I work with them, or maybe it's just because I don't like them as much anymore. Or, maybe it's simply because they're farther away from me, now that I'm a whole lot bigger. And I don't like bending down that far. 'Cause I still love strawberries, even if I can't smell them. Like, ever. Stupid allergies and noses that don't work. Argh.
All in all, though, today was a good day. I finally found a pair of capris that fit, and that I like! And they're new denim, too! Usually I hate the feeling of new denim, so I buy jeans at the second hand store. But at Suzy Shier they had some that felt like they'd already been worn in, and it made me very happy. Because I hate new denim. Not that anyone cares.
I've decided that I'm not very good at blogging, because I don't ever talk about anything interesting. I mean, aphorisms, strawberry picking, and jeans. Who cares? Although, I guess, if you care enough to read this, then you obviously care about what I have to say. That sentence made not very much sense at all, but I still like it. I don't make very much sense, either, in a non-sensical, sensical way. Is sensical even a word?
So, Thursday is Geoffrey's birthday. I work all day. That's gonna suck. But hopefully it won't be too hard. Haha, that's a funny joke. He would have been sixteen - what better birthday is there? I mean, he'd be off for his G1 soon, he'd probably already have read the book, and be signed up for driver's ed, if I know him at all. Ick. I don't want to think about it. Because I'd counted on him being around for my sixteenth birthday. They gave him two months, and so he should have still been alive at the beginning of October. I guess that's what I'm still so bitter about. I was reading bits of my journal last night, and I read what I wrote on August 23rd. That was the day of the staff party last year. I remember it exactly. I was sitting on the edge of the wagon, the left side, and Kyle was sitting beside me.
"How's it going?" he asked me.
"Alright, all things considered." I stared out over the dark strawberry field, pitying myself.
"What d'you mean?"
"Remember the friend I told you about, who's in the hospital?"
"Yeah."
I didn't look at him, I just blurted it out, because I had to tell someone, someone who didn't know Geoffrey, because that was easier. "We got the test results. He's got a very aggressive type of cancer. They're giving him two months." He sort of patted my arm, and I don't remember how he ended the conversation, but I think he left quite soon after I said that. I tried not to cry. I was terrified.
And the next day, I worked all day. And then I came home, and Mom told me.
I wasn't scheduled to work for the rest of the week, which I suppose was an Act of God. When I did finally go back, Dave was driving me, Nathan and someone else, I don't remember who it was, to satellites. They were all complaining about how their lives sucked, and I just sat there and listened. I wasn't very talkative, at that point, yet. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I must have said it very loudly, because everyone fell silent and it was really awkward after.
"My friend just died on Sunday, so I don't think you should be complaining." No one said anything for a long time, and Dave just patted my arm, I guess he was trying to comfort me in some way.
And Nathan knew someone else who'd just died, and he thought maybe it was the same person. I assured him it was not. The other guy died about a week before Geoffrey did.
And where did that story come from?!?
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
05 July 2009
The quoting of an aphorism rarely means something good is about to happen. - Lemony Snicket
Hey, so, cool! My whole family was home this weekend, and then my parents' friends, Heiner and Denise stopped by, and so we went from a full house to just me and my mother in about half an hour. I love it when my family comes home. (And yes, family does include David.)
I didn't get a chance to talk to Dykstras or Mrs Vanderlinde at church today. I talked to Janita instead, and then I went home, because Erin wanted to stop at the market and she had to be in Peterborough for 2:30 to catch her bus. So now we have fresh strawberries, most of which will probably end up in the freezer, and asparagus. Mother tried cooking asparagus a while back, but it didn't work, 'cause you're only supposed to boil it for like 2 minutes, not ten. So she's going to try it again. Hopefully it'll be better this time!
I bought a new dress on Monday, and I wore it today. It falls open at the front when I sit down, so I'm going to get a brooch with fake flowers on it to pin it closed. It's a little embarrassing, but hopefully the brooch will fix it. It's a really pretty dress, it's green and blue and white and grey-ish brown. The background is white, and then it's got blue stripes and blue, green and grey-ish flowers in the front, and there's sparkly accents on some of the flowers. Hoorah for $11.00 at It's Worth Repeating!
Ever have it (probably not, I don't think most of you are writers...) that you have an idea for a story when you're showering, and you can't wait to start writing it? And then you don't go to bed until like 11:00, and so you can't start writing it until then. And then you write and write and write and the next thing you know, it's 1:30? That's pretty much what happened to me last night. It's a really good story, though! Or, rather, it will be, when it's finished, and I flesh it out a bit. I'm just writing basically a skeleton. I'll go back when it's done and give it some more meat, make it longer, change the wording (it's easier to find the right word when you type your stories, I find). I'm really really excited about it! Maybe I can include it in my Seasons anthology that I'm writing...
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
I didn't get a chance to talk to Dykstras or Mrs Vanderlinde at church today. I talked to Janita instead, and then I went home, because Erin wanted to stop at the market and she had to be in Peterborough for 2:30 to catch her bus. So now we have fresh strawberries, most of which will probably end up in the freezer, and asparagus. Mother tried cooking asparagus a while back, but it didn't work, 'cause you're only supposed to boil it for like 2 minutes, not ten. So she's going to try it again. Hopefully it'll be better this time!
I bought a new dress on Monday, and I wore it today. It falls open at the front when I sit down, so I'm going to get a brooch with fake flowers on it to pin it closed. It's a little embarrassing, but hopefully the brooch will fix it. It's a really pretty dress, it's green and blue and white and grey-ish brown. The background is white, and then it's got blue stripes and blue, green and grey-ish flowers in the front, and there's sparkly accents on some of the flowers. Hoorah for $11.00 at It's Worth Repeating!
Ever have it (probably not, I don't think most of you are writers...) that you have an idea for a story when you're showering, and you can't wait to start writing it? And then you don't go to bed until like 11:00, and so you can't start writing it until then. And then you write and write and write and the next thing you know, it's 1:30? That's pretty much what happened to me last night. It's a really good story, though! Or, rather, it will be, when it's finished, and I flesh it out a bit. I'm just writing basically a skeleton. I'll go back when it's done and give it some more meat, make it longer, change the wording (it's easier to find the right word when you type your stories, I find). I'm really really excited about it! Maybe I can include it in my Seasons anthology that I'm writing...
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
03 July 2009
You were born an original. Don't die a copy.
Home from work, showered and changed. I now resemble a real person, instead of a dirty farm girl. Not that I don't enjoy being a farm girl, but I just look like a real person, now.
I already have $95.00 in pledges! Haha, beat that, Radish and Allison! Second day I have it, and I'm already almost at $100! I can't wait... I have to talk to the Dykstras on Sunday at church, and then I also want to talk to Mrs. Vanderlinde, because she might do the actual cutting off of hair. Hoorah!
Other than that, I really have nothing to say. So, I suppose I'll be signing off now!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
I already have $95.00 in pledges! Haha, beat that, Radish and Allison! Second day I have it, and I'm already almost at $100! I can't wait... I have to talk to the Dykstras on Sunday at church, and then I also want to talk to Mrs. Vanderlinde, because she might do the actual cutting off of hair. Hoorah!
Other than that, I really have nothing to say. So, I suppose I'll be signing off now!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
02 July 2009
Why is it always so hard to come up with a good title?
Apparently I fail at remembering my own work schedule. I was at White's yesterday, not the booth, so I had to work all day. I have today off, and then I'm in the booth tomorrow. Silly. Yesterday was the worst day ever, I almost puked because I was dehydrated. Never again will I take only two bottles of water to a satellite.
I called the Canadian Cancer Society today, and they have my sponsor sheets and everything ready for me! So Mom's going to pick them up this afternoon after she's done working, and then we'll be good to go! Anyone who wants to donate can talk to me or the Radish or Allison (you need a nick-name, girl. What'll it be?) because they are now the only two peeps doing with with me. Argh. Stupid people keep backing out. But it's kinda my own fault for taking so long to get sponsor sheets. We won't be sending in the monies until probably September, so you don't even have to have money now, you can get it to us until September. Please donate, it's all going under Geoffrey's name.
Mister Cherd, I hope you get home soon, because I actually can't wait to see you again. I hope you're having the time of your life, singing your little heart out, but please don't like the glamour of it too much, or you'll never come home! I miss you a whole lot, and would probably go competely and utterly mad if you decided not to come home. In any case, I'd cry a whole lot. So come home soon, and call me ASAP!
And I can't type properly today, so I'm signing out.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee to the Ess: I just found this, and although I still can't type properly, I have to link it. It's awesome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkKLANmUbF4&feature=channel
I called the Canadian Cancer Society today, and they have my sponsor sheets and everything ready for me! So Mom's going to pick them up this afternoon after she's done working, and then we'll be good to go! Anyone who wants to donate can talk to me or the Radish or Allison (you need a nick-name, girl. What'll it be?) because they are now the only two peeps doing with with me. Argh. Stupid people keep backing out. But it's kinda my own fault for taking so long to get sponsor sheets. We won't be sending in the monies until probably September, so you don't even have to have money now, you can get it to us until September. Please donate, it's all going under Geoffrey's name.
Mister Cherd, I hope you get home soon, because I actually can't wait to see you again. I hope you're having the time of your life, singing your little heart out, but please don't like the glamour of it too much, or you'll never come home! I miss you a whole lot, and would probably go competely and utterly mad if you decided not to come home. In any case, I'd cry a whole lot. So come home soon, and call me ASAP!
And I can't type properly today, so I'm signing out.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee to the Ess: I just found this, and although I still can't type properly, I have to link it. It's awesome. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkKLANmUbF4&feature=channel
30 June 2009
The purple rhinosorus (who actually knows how to spell that?) wants to eat you!
First off, Cheryl, my dear. It is simply because Rae is your middle name that I use it. Because you shaped who I am a lot, even if we did kinda fall out for a few years. And I thought it sounded good next to Jennie. Thus, Jennie Rae. And Urban just came because I needed a last name, and it sounded good.
Second, I did not get rained out of the PYO. I was in the field - yuck! And it's a split shift, so I have to go back in half an hour - double yuck! And I did not get to have my chat with God. So that'll have to happen another day.
Until then, happy Canada day tomorrow, peeps! I don't think I'll be posting tomorrow, because I'll be tired from working booth (meaning PYO, only not in the field), and it'll be busy as long as we don't get rained out.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Second, I did not get rained out of the PYO. I was in the field - yuck! And it's a split shift, so I have to go back in half an hour - double yuck! And I did not get to have my chat with God. So that'll have to happen another day.
Until then, happy Canada day tomorrow, peeps! I don't think I'll be posting tomorrow, because I'll be tired from working booth (meaning PYO, only not in the field), and it'll be busy as long as we don't get rained out.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
29 June 2009
Deep thoughts and insights (don't expect this to happen too often)
Today was a bit of a bust. I went shopping for a pair of black beach shorts, a pair of denim capris and a pair of khaki capris. (Wow, khaki is a hard word to type.) I bought a dress and a sweater. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME?!? This is not the way it goes sometimes, no, it is the way it always goes. This is how I shoppe. I need skirts, I buy pants. I need sweaters, I buy t-shirts. I need shorts, I buy dresses. ARGH!! So frustrating.
But, I did go to Wilson & Lee, which is possibly the bestest music store in existance. I bought harder Phantom of the Opera music, because I was sick of playing the easy stuff I had. I also bought a song called "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. It's pretty much the most beautiful song I've heard in a long time. I shall post the first verse, just because I don't feel like typing up the whole thing, but I want to share part of it. The first verse goes thus:
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger.
May you never take one single breath for granted.
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed.
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
So, I've basically been denying God since August. And for ten months I've been unhappy and tired and lonely. I've been longing to feel God, but he hasn't been giving me what I wanted. I wanted Geoffrey back. But that's never going to happen. I have to believe. I've been hearing him calling out to me for a while now (and yeah, Kara, I guess you were right, even though I hate to admit it), and it's been all me trying to shut him out. I was angry, and I was hurt. But I guess that every relationship has those rocky bits. This has been mine with God. This year has been utter crap. Not only did I have to deal with losing Geoffrey, but I also had to deal with almost losing Crystal. Everyone says, "Wouldn't it be great if we could be the reason that someone didn't commit suicide?" And that's a noble thought, to be sure. But when you're actually in the situation, with one of your best friends, it's not so great. When your best friend tells you she's done, and wants out, and that if you weren't there she would have jumped off the bridge, you think, Why didn't I notice something earlier? Why didn't I see this coming? After all, I knew she was in and out of guidance all the time, and that the guidance counsellors took her to see doctors and everything. But when she told me that, my life stopped, and I focussed all my energy on keeping her life as live-able as possible. It was hard.
And I had my own difficulties on top of that - Geoffrey, first and foremost, but I wasn't exactly the cheery, bubbly girl I usually am, and I think that if I'd gone to see a doctor, they'd have put me on happy pills. I was afraid of being put on happy pills, so I faked like I was happy, and hated anyone who saw through it. And I pushed God away from me.
I'm not going to say that was a mistake. I needed time on my own, and just then I couldn't (and still and having a hard time with) talk(ing) to God. He was too big, too distant, and he couldn't love me, or else Geoffrey wouldn't be dead now. But maybe, just maybe, I need to talk things over with him.
So, if I end up getting rained out of the pick your own (PYO) tomorrow (which I probably will) God and I shall have a little chat. I shall tell you how it goes. I don't expect to get right back on track with where I was with God at the beginning of August, or anything, being best friends and all. But I think it's time to forgive and move on. I've learned my lesson, I've had my being ripped in two and put back together again in a very different way, and I think it's time that I tried to talk to God again. However, I've said this before, and it never amounted to anything.
I think, above all, I'm scared.
On a happier note, the PYO is now open, and so hopefully I'll be spending a good chunk of my summer there, and I shall be one happy camper. Except I shan't be a camper, because I can't afford to take time off to go camping. But I shall be happy, nonetheless.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
But, I did go to Wilson & Lee, which is possibly the bestest music store in existance. I bought harder Phantom of the Opera music, because I was sick of playing the easy stuff I had. I also bought a song called "I Hope You Dance" by Lee Ann Womack. It's pretty much the most beautiful song I've heard in a long time. I shall post the first verse, just because I don't feel like typing up the whole thing, but I want to share part of it. The first verse goes thus:
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger.
May you never take one single breath for granted.
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed.
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
So, I've basically been denying God since August. And for ten months I've been unhappy and tired and lonely. I've been longing to feel God, but he hasn't been giving me what I wanted. I wanted Geoffrey back. But that's never going to happen. I have to believe. I've been hearing him calling out to me for a while now (and yeah, Kara, I guess you were right, even though I hate to admit it), and it's been all me trying to shut him out. I was angry, and I was hurt. But I guess that every relationship has those rocky bits. This has been mine with God. This year has been utter crap. Not only did I have to deal with losing Geoffrey, but I also had to deal with almost losing Crystal. Everyone says, "Wouldn't it be great if we could be the reason that someone didn't commit suicide?" And that's a noble thought, to be sure. But when you're actually in the situation, with one of your best friends, it's not so great. When your best friend tells you she's done, and wants out, and that if you weren't there she would have jumped off the bridge, you think, Why didn't I notice something earlier? Why didn't I see this coming? After all, I knew she was in and out of guidance all the time, and that the guidance counsellors took her to see doctors and everything. But when she told me that, my life stopped, and I focussed all my energy on keeping her life as live-able as possible. It was hard.
And I had my own difficulties on top of that - Geoffrey, first and foremost, but I wasn't exactly the cheery, bubbly girl I usually am, and I think that if I'd gone to see a doctor, they'd have put me on happy pills. I was afraid of being put on happy pills, so I faked like I was happy, and hated anyone who saw through it. And I pushed God away from me.
I'm not going to say that was a mistake. I needed time on my own, and just then I couldn't (and still and having a hard time with) talk(ing) to God. He was too big, too distant, and he couldn't love me, or else Geoffrey wouldn't be dead now. But maybe, just maybe, I need to talk things over with him.
So, if I end up getting rained out of the pick your own (PYO) tomorrow (which I probably will) God and I shall have a little chat. I shall tell you how it goes. I don't expect to get right back on track with where I was with God at the beginning of August, or anything, being best friends and all. But I think it's time to forgive and move on. I've learned my lesson, I've had my being ripped in two and put back together again in a very different way, and I think it's time that I tried to talk to God again. However, I've said this before, and it never amounted to anything.
I think, above all, I'm scared.
On a happier note, the PYO is now open, and so hopefully I'll be spending a good chunk of my summer there, and I shall be one happy camper. Except I shan't be a camper, because I can't afford to take time off to go camping. But I shall be happy, nonetheless.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
28 June 2009
A partidge in a pear tree!
So yeah, I had typed up most of what I was going to say, and then my whole post disappeared. Not happy.
And now I'm too tired really to post anything. I was reading about making money off of publishing ads, but I think I won't do that until I get my own place - because they have to call you and have to mail you stuff, and I don't really feel like explaining it all to my parents. Not that I think they'd care, I just don't think I really want to.
Anway, tomorrow is my day off, and I'm going shopping with my mommy in Toronto! Capris and shorts. Maybe I can get a new sundress, and perhaps some new sheet music, too. I want to learn music that I like, not what my teacher wants me to play. Because, I'm not taking lessons anymore! It's such a weird feeling, that I only have to see Margrit once more, and then I don't ever have to see her again, if I don't want to. I just have to drop off her books again, and then I never have to see her again! It's so weird. I've been going to her every Monday after school for so long, it's hard to imagine a school year without having to practise every day. Not that I think I'll miss it.
I realised not too long ago, that I never actually played the piano for me. I wanted to start because my sisters did, and I kept going because my parents wanted me to get my grade eight. I think there were really only two years that I really enjoyed playing. I mean, there are still pieces that I love to play, and I simply adore pianos in general, but I only really enjoyed playing the RCM pieces in grade six and seven. Piano, not school. But now I'm done.
And I'm done blogging for today, too.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
And now I'm too tired really to post anything. I was reading about making money off of publishing ads, but I think I won't do that until I get my own place - because they have to call you and have to mail you stuff, and I don't really feel like explaining it all to my parents. Not that I think they'd care, I just don't think I really want to.
Anway, tomorrow is my day off, and I'm going shopping with my mommy in Toronto! Capris and shorts. Maybe I can get a new sundress, and perhaps some new sheet music, too. I want to learn music that I like, not what my teacher wants me to play. Because, I'm not taking lessons anymore! It's such a weird feeling, that I only have to see Margrit once more, and then I don't ever have to see her again, if I don't want to. I just have to drop off her books again, and then I never have to see her again! It's so weird. I've been going to her every Monday after school for so long, it's hard to imagine a school year without having to practise every day. Not that I think I'll miss it.
I realised not too long ago, that I never actually played the piano for me. I wanted to start because my sisters did, and I kept going because my parents wanted me to get my grade eight. I think there were really only two years that I really enjoyed playing. I mean, there are still pieces that I love to play, and I simply adore pianos in general, but I only really enjoyed playing the RCM pieces in grade six and seven. Piano, not school. But now I'm done.
And I'm done blogging for today, too.
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
26 June 2009
A Purple Tortoise
So...
Finished.work. Finally. Long.day. I.didn't.know.I.was.working.yesterday.so.I.had.to.come.in.today,instead. And.I.felt.really.stupid,'cause.I.was.looking.at.the.wrong.number.
and.thought.I.had.almost.nine.hundred.too.many.dollars. Argh.
John.Green.from.(yes.)the.vlogbrothers.talks.so.fast. I think he'd be perfect for Erin, because she talks fast, too. Nevermind the fact that he's like 15 years older than her, they'd still be perfect for each other. Not that I'm obsessed with the vlogbrothers, but I'm kind of obsessed with the vlogbrothers. (Here's a good video I like, too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gf69J1Go98&feature=channel)
Aside from that, not much interesting to rant about today, because I'm very tired. But Allison's party yesterday was a success, even if it was two months late. Happy sixteenth, Allison!!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee Ess. Apparently I should read my comments before I go ahead and publish.
Sarah, apparently I'm just behind the times. But thanks for liking my video. Why didn't I know you were back from the magical and phantasmagorical land of campout? Can I call you tonight?
And Allison, when you're done Tithe, there's actually two more books, and I hate to tell you, but it is a series! The second one is Valiant, and the third is Ironside. I'm reading Ironside, and I think it'd make more sense if I'd read Tithe and Valiant. But still, Holly Black is one of my new favourites. As well as Dracula and vlogbrothers. And not Hugh Jackman.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, GO TO YOUR LOCAL LIBRARAY, CHECK OUT DRACULA BY BRAM STOKER, ANY HOLLY BLACK BOOKS AND THE MOVIE VAN HELSING. Also, go to youtube.com and search up vlogbrothers and Nosferatu. DISCLAIMER: Nosferatu is not for the faint of heart. I nearly bit my thumb off, because I bite fingers when I'm scared.
Now,
DFTBA for real,
Jennie.Rae
Finished.work. Finally. Long.day. I.didn't.know.I.was.working.yesterday.so.I.had.to.come.in.today,instead. And.I.felt.really.stupid,'cause.I.was.looking.at.the.wrong.number.
and.thought.I.had.almost.nine.hundred.too.many.dollars. Argh.
John.Green.from.(yes.)the.vlogbrothers.talks.so.fast. I think he'd be perfect for Erin, because she talks fast, too. Nevermind the fact that he's like 15 years older than her, they'd still be perfect for each other. Not that I'm obsessed with the vlogbrothers, but I'm kind of obsessed with the vlogbrothers. (Here's a good video I like, too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Gf69J1Go98&feature=channel)
Aside from that, not much interesting to rant about today, because I'm very tired. But Allison's party yesterday was a success, even if it was two months late. Happy sixteenth, Allison!!
DFTBA,
Jennie.Rae
Pee Ess. Apparently I should read my comments before I go ahead and publish.
Sarah, apparently I'm just behind the times. But thanks for liking my video. Why didn't I know you were back from the magical and phantasmagorical land of campout? Can I call you tonight?
And Allison, when you're done Tithe, there's actually two more books, and I hate to tell you, but it is a series! The second one is Valiant, and the third is Ironside. I'm reading Ironside, and I think it'd make more sense if I'd read Tithe and Valiant. But still, Holly Black is one of my new favourites. As well as Dracula and vlogbrothers. And not Hugh Jackman.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, GO TO YOUR LOCAL LIBRARAY, CHECK OUT DRACULA BY BRAM STOKER, ANY HOLLY BLACK BOOKS AND THE MOVIE VAN HELSING. Also, go to youtube.com and search up vlogbrothers and Nosferatu. DISCLAIMER: Nosferatu is not for the faint of heart. I nearly bit my thumb off, because I bite fingers when I'm scared.
Now,
DFTBA for real,
Jennie.Rae
24 June 2009
Eh heh, Pretty much forgot something.
Yes. Something both forgotten and stolen.
Don't forget to be awesome. (DFTBA)
Pretty much vlogbrothers (Hank and John Green) are my new favourites.
You should subscribe to them on youtube.
DfTBA,
Just.Jennie.
Don't forget to be awesome. (DFTBA)
Pretty much vlogbrothers (Hank and John Green) are my new favourites.
You should subscribe to them on youtube.
DfTBA,
Just.Jennie.
Rule Number One, vlogbrothers, and periods, among other things.
So, my first blog since my last one utterly failed.
You'll have to excuse the random-ness and sarcasm. Also, I'm in love with commas and periods. So beware. I.sometimes.like.to.separate.my.words.using.periods.instead.of.spaces.
And it's hard to spell like that.
Anyway, just so y'all know (and no, I'm not from the south. The south of Canada, yes. But I don't talk like that in real life. Whatever that pesky thing is.) this may fail utterly, too. I have yet to learn the art of seeing the future, so I can't really tell you.
Rule number one: "Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling old men." Yep. And it's true. If any of you have ever read "Theif of Time", you'd know. And you'd also know what rule ninteen is, which I'm not going to tell you, because if you really want to know, then you'll have to read the book yourself. Or else, you could just google "rule ninteen" and I'm sure you'd get a whole lot of interesting results.
I suppose, if anyone ever actually reads this, you'll want to know something about me. Well, you're just gonna have to keep reading, and keep guessing, because I believe that any good writer never tells, she shows. I like to imagine I'm a good writer, so keep.reading.and.hope.you.enjoy.
Haha,you.thought.I.was.done,didn't.you? Well,I.actually.thought.that.maybe.I.ought.to.actually.talk.about.somthing.real. I.really.have.no.idea.what.to.talk.about,so.I.decided.to.tell.y'all.about.this.video.blog.I.found.
today.which,coincidentally.is.the.inspiration.for.this.blog. It's.two.brothers.and.they.blog.together.so.they.can.still.see.each.other.when.they.live.across.
the.country.from.each.other. Rambling.about.nothing.is.fun. Hank.just.got.his.ears.flushed.and.
video-taped.it. Pretty.much.hilarious. Kinda.gross,but.when.you're.me,it's.not.too.bad. You.should.be.glad.that.you're.not.me.
Coincidentally.it's.getting.a.whole.lot.easier.to.type.like.this. And.here's.a.link.for.you,Sarah.'cause.apparently.Hank's.just.as.obsessed.with.Harry.Potter.as.
you.are. It's.from.July.18th. He's.actually.really.in.tune.with.the.story.line. And.a.really.good.singer. He's.got.some.good.theories,most.of.which.are.actually.correct.but.no.one.really.came.up.with.
them.until.after.the.book.was.out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvvFiZyEyTA
There.ya.go. And.now.I.have.to.get.you.to.read.this.just.so.you'll.see.that.
And now I'm done, both with the periods, and with this blog
Talk t'y'all later!
Just.Jennie.
Pee Ess, I know that I said I was done with periods, but ah, well, I lied.
You'll have to excuse the random-ness and sarcasm. Also, I'm in love with commas and periods. So beware. I.sometimes.like.to.separate.my.words.using.periods.instead.of.spaces.
And it's hard to spell like that.
Anyway, just so y'all know (and no, I'm not from the south. The south of Canada, yes. But I don't talk like that in real life. Whatever that pesky thing is.) this may fail utterly, too. I have yet to learn the art of seeing the future, so I can't really tell you.
Rule number one: "Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling old men." Yep. And it's true. If any of you have ever read "Theif of Time", you'd know. And you'd also know what rule ninteen is, which I'm not going to tell you, because if you really want to know, then you'll have to read the book yourself. Or else, you could just google "rule ninteen" and I'm sure you'd get a whole lot of interesting results.
I suppose, if anyone ever actually reads this, you'll want to know something about me. Well, you're just gonna have to keep reading, and keep guessing, because I believe that any good writer never tells, she shows. I like to imagine I'm a good writer, so keep.reading.and.hope.you.enjoy.
Haha,you.thought.I.was.done,didn't.you? Well,I.actually.thought.that.maybe.I.ought.to.actually.talk.about.somthing.real. I.really.have.no.idea.what.to.talk.about,so.I.decided.to.tell.y'all.about.this.video.blog.I.found.
today.which,coincidentally.is.the.inspiration.for.this.blog. It's.two.brothers.and.they.blog.together.so.they.can.still.see.each.other.when.they.live.across.
the.country.from.each.other. Rambling.about.nothing.is.fun. Hank.just.got.his.ears.flushed.and.
video-taped.it. Pretty.much.hilarious. Kinda.gross,but.when.you're.me,it's.not.too.bad. You.should.be.glad.that.you're.not.me.
Coincidentally.it's.getting.a.whole.lot.easier.to.type.like.this. And.here's.a.link.for.you,Sarah.'cause.apparently.Hank's.just.as.obsessed.with.Harry.Potter.as.
you.are. It's.from.July.18th. He's.actually.really.in.tune.with.the.story.line. And.a.really.good.singer. He's.got.some.good.theories,most.of.which.are.actually.correct.but.no.one.really.came.up.with.
them.until.after.the.book.was.out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvvFiZyEyTA
There.ya.go. And.now.I.have.to.get.you.to.read.this.just.so.you'll.see.that.
And now I'm done, both with the periods, and with this blog
Talk t'y'all later!
Just.Jennie.
Pee Ess, I know that I said I was done with periods, but ah, well, I lied.
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